Time is moving in slow motion..

Another two week (about 10 days actually) wait begins. I'm just trying to sleep the wait away :)
Cannot help but speculate what the outcome of this cycle would be.. If it is positive, Great!! If not, then.. back to the drawing board. We will have to plan to visit India again sometime soon..

This whole thing makes me so nervous.

For me this can come in no better time.. thanksgiving! I'm going to go and visit every mall around me and keep myself distracted for a while !

Shoe stores.. hear I come ;)

“Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.”

We march ahead

After talking through between us and getting some answers from Dr. S, we have decided to go ahead with our next transfer. It will be a frozen transfer. It's been scheduled towards late November. 


We still have lot of hope and are looking forward to the next transfer. We believe there will be a positive outcome

Hope is a strange invention -- by Emily Dickinson

Hope is a strange invention --
A Patent of the Heart --
In unremitting action
Yet never wearing out --

Of this electric Adjunct
Not anything is known
But its unique momentum
Embellish all we own --

What we had feared...

The email we were waiting for... was finally in our inbox. I dont think either of us had so eagerly waited for an email any time before. The words we never wanted hear or see... "it didnt work". Both the surrogates had a negative pregnancy test result.
How could this have happened... how could we be failed again? The questions in our minds were never ending. There was a sudden silence between the two of us.. we didnt know what to talk. Our feelings were told without actually telling anything to each other.  Felt like the world had stopped.
We were so confident that this would work, but.. it didnt. We were lost for answers.. and invariably we thought "Why us?"
It took a lot of courage to get through the day. The best we could do was carry on with our routine... get busy with usual work stuff.
We have scheduled a phone call with Dr. S to get some answers.

The wait begins.. Anticipation and suspense!

We are back in the US. We are currently waiting after the transfer to the surrogate.
The retrieval process went well. We chose to use two surrogates to increase our chance of success. Good idea?? we'll know in a couple of weeks.
We have been discussing this all the time... Do we get our hopes high? Have no expectations and take it as it comes?
Most of the time we just looked at each other and we knew what both of us were thinking about..
Both of us were filled with anticipation...
The wait for the email from Dr. S begins.. the longest two weeks!

A longer wait

Yesterday was another normal day. Day 9 of stimulation.. took my injections in the morning and then planned to go to a movie in the evening.
I had a sudden question of how we might manage kids born to two surrogates. They will be siblings separated by possibly a few days or even a few weeks. How will the kids be treated in school? Will it impact the kids? After taking to parents we were assured that this may not be that big of an issue as we thought it could be. So, we will be going ahead with two surrogates..
In the evening, we headed to the a mall close by and watched a hindi movie 'Mere Brother Ki Dulhan". It was a fun, light movie.

This morning, we were to know of when we had to take the HCG trigger shot. Based on the scan, we were told by Dr. S that there were good number of follicles but there were also a few smaller ones that may get to the mature sige in a day or two. So, we will be waiting till friday for another scan and then decide when the HCG trigger shot should be. Our plans of going back to our city will be delayed by a few days.. this may also impact the work schedule A and I had for next week. But since this is our priority, we will wait!

Just another day..

Still going through stimulation. As the number of follicles were “satisfactory”, the dosage of my medication was kept unchanged. I have to go to the clinic tomorrow for a scan and they may change the medications depending on the development.
Today we met Fernando and his 2 week old daughter Sophie. They returned from Delhi this morning after applying for Sophie’s passport. Fernando came here from Brazil in desire of having a family and now he has a beautiful daughter. It was so good to meet them. They are off to Brazil in a few days. It feels so exciting to really see this process working.
Today has also been a day of reflection.. Both parents and siblings have been extremely supportive of our decision to pursue surrogacy. This is a new concept to most people and something that has not been done previously in either of our families. It is a true leap of faith for both of us and we are ready to do this.
Looking forward to the scan tomorrow..

A culture shock.. Almost :)

Though A and I were born and raised in India, we feel like we have lost touch with the current India. We came here thinking that this is our country and how difficult could it be to get anything here (as we claimed to know how everything works here!). We ourselves feel disconnected sometimes from what is around us. The life here feels oceans apart compared to what we have back in the US. After having experienced the medical care in the US, it is actually very difficult to get any procedure done here. It's just different.. 
I'm fine with going through anything.. my eyes are on the big precious prize we may have in 9 months!